Financial and Material Provisions vs Being There All The Time
Parenthood, like death, is an event for which it is nearly impossible to be prepared. It brings you into a new relationship with the fact of your own existence, a relationship in which one maybe rendered helpless.- Rachel Cusk
Nothing ever prepares one for “adulting” (as we call it now…LOL), and parenthood. There can be many books you read, listen to as many audios teachings as possible, but you will never say you have reached a point of qualification and you are done learning to be one.
I know this now, because I am a parent, and I am thinking, how am I going to prepare my children for the growing pains?!!!
Yes, we, expect our parents to have taught us almost everything about life, for them to have provided the manual to how we should deal with these life challenges, for them to have done things the right way by us, so that we turn out to be perfect human beings when we become adults. Truth is, I am sure between trying to make sure we have food on the table, shelter above our wee-heads, a bed to sleep on, warm clothes to wear etc, they didn’t forget to prepare us for this, or intentionally left that part out, but LIFE happened.
Where ever possible, forgive those parents for making the most difficult decision to entrust strangers in the name of maids or day-care tutors to teach you certain life skills. If only there was a curriculum in school on child rearing, then maybe some of these parents would have sacrificed trying to make money, so that they can make our lives comfortable for spending time with their children.
Maybe if those children had been more kind to their parents, by having less material and social expectations from them, then those parents would have been there to teach you what the maid and day-care teacher taught you… Maybe then those parents wouldn’t have to try and get to know their children and catch up with the lost years of bonding after retirement.
Unfortunately, it’s only then, when they finally get the time to do so, that their children would have also started their lives, and families, and feel like there is too much of a generational gap for their parents to give them sound advice on child-rearing, and what to and what not to provide. And only then, their children, and children’s children have social media to turn to for child-upbringing.
If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. - Abigail Van Buren
There was no time for them really, and God help me, I am afraid I might not have that time for my children, and yet I see this happening. Yes, I have seen the problem, I have the solution, but at times I forget I haven’t eaten, while I try to make sure every mouth in my household. So, I find myself only eating, hours after everyone else has eaten, probably that will be when they are expecting their next meal.
At times I forget I exist, and I only remember so when my body sends me messages of neglect, messages that even superwoman can’t ignore, even if she tries.
At times, I only realise I haven’t bought myself a new clothing item, when my most treasured dress doesn’t fit anymore, or when constant washing, drying and ironing has created unconcealable map of Africa holes on it.
So, I totally understand when simple and complicated things of life make it difficult for you to find time to talk to our kids about life-skills.
My parents never got to teach me not to expect much from a human being, they never got to teach me that you will never be able to please anyone, never got to tell me to accept that as you grow up, you will win some friends and lose some, and to prepare me for the rude fact that is, no one will agree with the way you think (like now, someone is actually thinking, what nonsense is this… LOL), I was never taught of the existence of heartbreaks, heartbreaks that will come my way, when they finally allow me or expect me to have a boyfriend (they concentrated more on my getting through school…LOL…), I had to learn all these things by myself. I fell down a couple of times, woke up, dusted myself and moved on… This is how I am still surviving.
Now I understand why we probably never had those discussions…and I withdraw all my self-righteous opinions I made silently or loudly.
I respect all parents, who have ACED or FAILED at this school of parenting…whatever the obstacles you faced… it’s not easy!!
Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.- Matt Walsh
Today, I vowed, I will never judge a situation unseen, or one I have never experienced.
God with the knowledge I have now and with you granting me wisdom to be a better parent, I promise to be there to teach my children about life. About all the things I experienced, and am still experiencing in life.
Decades from now, it won’t matter what car I drove, what kind of house we stayed in, what games I bought for my children, what schools they went to, what trendy phones and clothes I bought for them, how much I had in my bank account, nor what my clothes looked like, but the world may be a little better because I was important and there in the life of my children.
Parenthood... It’s about guiding the next generation, and forgiving the last.-Peter Krause
I have nothing to forgive my parents and the previous generations about, they did nothing wrong, but all the best they could to make us better people. They couldn’t have been able to protect us from what we got exposed to as we grew up, but they tried as much as possible to instill us the morals and values, that helped us deal with all we came across.
I will ask them to forgive me, if I ever had greater expectations from them, all obviously out of great ignorance. It’s with what I learnt from what they taught me, and their experiences, and by God’s grace and guidance, that I aim to be that light to my children, and generations to come.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
"Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons.”
“Tell your sons about it, and let your sons tell their sons, And their sons the next generation."
Many blessings upon you, and may you allow God and The Holy Spirit to do their thing in you and yours’ lives.
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